1/11/12

I was sure, oh so sure that I posted just 3 days ago.I cannot find it in drafts and honestly cannot recall particular content either.I have been having really vivid dreams that I find out later were n ot reality. I think when I skip doses of my Lexapro this happens.
Working out has been spotty. I have been favoring time with my boyfriend over the weekend and sleep over working out. I have been doing well on the healthy diet part .My weigh in was 214.8.The downward trend continues. I have not eaten much today and actually feel rather nauseated.I smacked my head on a cupboard the other day when I stood up and it was open.I knocked myself right over and tear ssprang to my eyes out of injured pride more than anything else.
Things are difficult with the boyfriend right now.He is pulling away and does not see it.Issues that I thought were in the past keep rearing up.None of this is me.He says he is not angry with me but I am feeling punished and sad.I could have picked a less complicated relationship to begin with.I really did not choose it, it more fell into my lap.
I need to keep up my activity during these emotional times to keep me from being a nutcase by the end of it.

status report week one 2012

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I ought to mix it up a little because I will most likely get bored and with boredom come disinterest right?On the other hand I have lost weight by rote. Eating the same exact foods and doing the same old work out day in and day out making it a routine I never varied from.It was as second nature as pouring coffee in the morning and I missed it when I skipped.
I have been making some fine vegan soups this week.It certainly is easier to eat right when I am prepared to do it. Eating on the fly is not a good thing for me. I make bad choices , like mozzeralla sticks and a whole bag of sugared almonds.This morning I am eating a parsnip-carrot puree seasoned with sun dried tomatoes and other spices.
I have noticed my posture has been poor lately. I have been bending at the waist and hunching my shoulders over. That cannot be attractive and accentuates my pooch. One more thing to be aware of right?
Weigh in this morning is 216.8 which is a decrease of 1.6 # since monday. Not bad. Once I bemoaned that i was only losing a very little each week but then a fellow nurse dtold me that at a pound a week it is stillover 50# in a year and still significant! Okay I got it.
I wish I did not have these periods of back sliding so I would have to go back over ground I had already been before. Does a body snap back quicker once it was in shape? We shall find out!. Onward .

confession

I got down to 204 late August 2011.I never did come close to the 50# loss I was seeking.Perhaps that was not realistic. I have been plagued by a left heel spur that nixed zumba and running and now a left forearm strain that makes weight lifting impossible.I have eaten with abandon this holiday season. . I am at 218.2 as of yesterday. Yes I can still wear my clothes but I am not comfortable in them. I have enjoyed fuller breasts but the wobbly fuller thighs have been a real attack on my body awareness. Another downfall as I see it is I have not been accountable to myself in this blog. I have also ignored the tools from WW namely because online computers are not available to me anymore at work and thatr is where my temptation is. I am quitting weight Watchers in favor of blance and accountability.I may have to enlist my boyfriends help here.


SOOOOoo.


1. make a real goal.My goal is to be 199# by March 11 2012. That is 10 weeks.


2. work out 5 x a week 30 minutes minimum.


3.Blog on this site 4 x a week


4. write down my meal intake every day.





I am also working on having my house always "company ready" I am not expecting perfection but I know having a tidier house will help my mental status and overall health.

April showers

Tracking and exercising do the trick.I cannot guesstimate period.I will always forget to count something and I will always underestimate the points.I will count it all,even when I know I am over. Happily more zumba classes are being offered at the local commuity center making the 12 hour shifts not such a factor in my work out schedule.I will have the option of attending a class after the end of my shift on Wednesdays at work.I wonder if I will have the oomph to do it. All I know is that I want to lose 6# in 4 weeks.Why does the number on the scale affect my self esteem so much?I do have to own up to my mistakes.I should feel like shit when I cheat .I know I can stick to the plan! 177 days until I am 40.Takes a deep breath.Not even 6 months to drop 25 or so pounds.That is less than 5 pounds a month.I want to lose in my butt and hips.I wish there were such a thing as spot reducing.I am vain.I like my breasts .I want them to stay just as they are!.Tomorrow is the official weigh in day.My thoughts are scattered.I have a " complicated" relationship and it takes alot out of me.Maybe my weight is one thing I can actually control in my life.Love,the economy,the kids,all are things I cannot control. 205.6

Backsliding

yes,I have been allowing myself to backslide.I was sooooo close to the major goal of being under 200# then poof! I lost my way! That is the simple explanation but let's look at really happened: 1.I stopped making execise an almost daily priority 2.I stopped tracking what I was eating. 3.I felt entitled to have what I wanted because of my progress. oh DEAR. Stop! You are overweight beause of those exact same behaviors and those same thoughts! This week I have begun to turn it around.I have worked out on the elliptical twice burning 460 and 450 Kcal each time.I have walked 2.5 miles.I have done a yoga video.Tonight I am going to zumba.I have not been tracking yet but will. I am so enjoying the TWO pair of size 12 pants I bought on clearane no less for $3.99. I have not missed the time elsewhere in life that I have invested in exercise.Yes exercise IS an investment.I will have many returns on ut! Cookies are not an investment they are an expense.YAY me!.I hope to have good things to report!

Soooo close!

203.6# Amazing! I am getting closer to a huge goal which is to be 0ne hundred anything! 185 would be sweet.169# is my goal weight for weight watchers.I do not see me getting there but hey! I have made it this far! I am over halfway to my 50# loss before my 40th birthday and i still have nearly 7 months to do it in.That means I have to loose about 3.5 # a month! SOOOOO doable.The ex BF has noticed my weight loss from a profile picture I have.A co- worker noticed how svelte I looked.I am excited to have bought a pair of size 12 dress pants because the 14 were too big.A little over a year ago I jumped up and down to get some 14 over my thighs,now they are saggy in the seat and crotch! I still do not have my goal prize.I am thinking of a cool corset but I will never wear it as it is neither period or fetish.Shoes? Maybe.I will let you know when I get there.I wonder if I can do it this week? Improbable ,yet still a chance! I need to step up the physical activity.I have allowed myself to be in a rut.Not good.The North eastern winter has gone on forever and taken its' toll on the psyche of many around here including me.Updates to follow.

Slow progress is good progress?

I am right around 207#.Twice this week I have been 206.2# but I bounce back up so I do not know if I should count it.I sabotage myself I discovered. If I have a great number I allow myself treats and then the next one is back up again. I need to figure out how to be motivated by the dip and keep going instead of using it as a reason to slack.
I am working a ton and my exercise routine has suffered.I am not able to get to zumba and have not had the energy for the elliptical.I have done yoga but it is not enough!. In two weeks the workload should lighten and I can resume my level of activity.I do also have to admit I could push myself to work out but I have been reluctant to put in the effort.Is it the winter blahs?
Here is to a better post next time!