1/11/12

I was sure, oh so sure that I posted just 3 days ago.I cannot find it in drafts and honestly cannot recall particular content either.I have been having really vivid dreams that I find out later were n ot reality. I think when I skip doses of my Lexapro this happens.
Working out has been spotty. I have been favoring time with my boyfriend over the weekend and sleep over working out. I have been doing well on the healthy diet part .My weigh in was 214.8.The downward trend continues. I have not eaten much today and actually feel rather nauseated.I smacked my head on a cupboard the other day when I stood up and it was open.I knocked myself right over and tear ssprang to my eyes out of injured pride more than anything else.
Things are difficult with the boyfriend right now.He is pulling away and does not see it.Issues that I thought were in the past keep rearing up.None of this is me.He says he is not angry with me but I am feeling punished and sad.I could have picked a less complicated relationship to begin with.I really did not choose it, it more fell into my lap.
I need to keep up my activity during these emotional times to keep me from being a nutcase by the end of it.

status report week one 2012

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I ought to mix it up a little because I will most likely get bored and with boredom come disinterest right?On the other hand I have lost weight by rote. Eating the same exact foods and doing the same old work out day in and day out making it a routine I never varied from.It was as second nature as pouring coffee in the morning and I missed it when I skipped.
I have been making some fine vegan soups this week.It certainly is easier to eat right when I am prepared to do it. Eating on the fly is not a good thing for me. I make bad choices , like mozzeralla sticks and a whole bag of sugared almonds.This morning I am eating a parsnip-carrot puree seasoned with sun dried tomatoes and other spices.
I have noticed my posture has been poor lately. I have been bending at the waist and hunching my shoulders over. That cannot be attractive and accentuates my pooch. One more thing to be aware of right?
Weigh in this morning is 216.8 which is a decrease of 1.6 # since monday. Not bad. Once I bemoaned that i was only losing a very little each week but then a fellow nurse dtold me that at a pound a week it is stillover 50# in a year and still significant! Okay I got it.
I wish I did not have these periods of back sliding so I would have to go back over ground I had already been before. Does a body snap back quicker once it was in shape? We shall find out!. Onward .

confession

I got down to 204 late August 2011.I never did come close to the 50# loss I was seeking.Perhaps that was not realistic. I have been plagued by a left heel spur that nixed zumba and running and now a left forearm strain that makes weight lifting impossible.I have eaten with abandon this holiday season. . I am at 218.2 as of yesterday. Yes I can still wear my clothes but I am not comfortable in them. I have enjoyed fuller breasts but the wobbly fuller thighs have been a real attack on my body awareness. Another downfall as I see it is I have not been accountable to myself in this blog. I have also ignored the tools from WW namely because online computers are not available to me anymore at work and thatr is where my temptation is. I am quitting weight Watchers in favor of blance and accountability.I may have to enlist my boyfriends help here.


SOOOOoo.


1. make a real goal.My goal is to be 199# by March 11 2012. That is 10 weeks.


2. work out 5 x a week 30 minutes minimum.


3.Blog on this site 4 x a week


4. write down my meal intake every day.





I am also working on having my house always "company ready" I am not expecting perfection but I know having a tidier house will help my mental status and overall health.

April showers

Tracking and exercising do the trick.I cannot guesstimate period.I will always forget to count something and I will always underestimate the points.I will count it all,even when I know I am over. Happily more zumba classes are being offered at the local commuity center making the 12 hour shifts not such a factor in my work out schedule.I will have the option of attending a class after the end of my shift on Wednesdays at work.I wonder if I will have the oomph to do it. All I know is that I want to lose 6# in 4 weeks.Why does the number on the scale affect my self esteem so much?I do have to own up to my mistakes.I should feel like shit when I cheat .I know I can stick to the plan! 177 days until I am 40.Takes a deep breath.Not even 6 months to drop 25 or so pounds.That is less than 5 pounds a month.I want to lose in my butt and hips.I wish there were such a thing as spot reducing.I am vain.I like my breasts .I want them to stay just as they are!.Tomorrow is the official weigh in day.My thoughts are scattered.I have a " complicated" relationship and it takes alot out of me.Maybe my weight is one thing I can actually control in my life.Love,the economy,the kids,all are things I cannot control. 205.6

Backsliding

yes,I have been allowing myself to backslide.I was sooooo close to the major goal of being under 200# then poof! I lost my way! That is the simple explanation but let's look at really happened: 1.I stopped making execise an almost daily priority 2.I stopped tracking what I was eating. 3.I felt entitled to have what I wanted because of my progress. oh DEAR. Stop! You are overweight beause of those exact same behaviors and those same thoughts! This week I have begun to turn it around.I have worked out on the elliptical twice burning 460 and 450 Kcal each time.I have walked 2.5 miles.I have done a yoga video.Tonight I am going to zumba.I have not been tracking yet but will. I am so enjoying the TWO pair of size 12 pants I bought on clearane no less for $3.99. I have not missed the time elsewhere in life that I have invested in exercise.Yes exercise IS an investment.I will have many returns on ut! Cookies are not an investment they are an expense.YAY me!.I hope to have good things to report!

Soooo close!

203.6# Amazing! I am getting closer to a huge goal which is to be 0ne hundred anything! 185 would be sweet.169# is my goal weight for weight watchers.I do not see me getting there but hey! I have made it this far! I am over halfway to my 50# loss before my 40th birthday and i still have nearly 7 months to do it in.That means I have to loose about 3.5 # a month! SOOOOO doable.The ex BF has noticed my weight loss from a profile picture I have.A co- worker noticed how svelte I looked.I am excited to have bought a pair of size 12 dress pants because the 14 were too big.A little over a year ago I jumped up and down to get some 14 over my thighs,now they are saggy in the seat and crotch! I still do not have my goal prize.I am thinking of a cool corset but I will never wear it as it is neither period or fetish.Shoes? Maybe.I will let you know when I get there.I wonder if I can do it this week? Improbable ,yet still a chance! I need to step up the physical activity.I have allowed myself to be in a rut.Not good.The North eastern winter has gone on forever and taken its' toll on the psyche of many around here including me.Updates to follow.

Slow progress is good progress?

I am right around 207#.Twice this week I have been 206.2# but I bounce back up so I do not know if I should count it.I sabotage myself I discovered. If I have a great number I allow myself treats and then the next one is back up again. I need to figure out how to be motivated by the dip and keep going instead of using it as a reason to slack.
I am working a ton and my exercise routine has suffered.I am not able to get to zumba and have not had the energy for the elliptical.I have done yoga but it is not enough!. In two weeks the workload should lighten and I can resume my level of activity.I do also have to admit I could push myself to work out but I have been reluctant to put in the effort.Is it the winter blahs?
Here is to a better post next time!

keeping track

I have lost control of my little widgets that show my progress.Somehow the little turtle is not moving to show progess! I like it when the turtle moves, even a little bit.I read on facebook one of my former co-workers has lost 6 pounds this week on WW.I want a huge drop! Admittedly I went away over the weekend and had a long drive and no computer access to keep track but I am sure I went over my daily allowance.I know I did not go over my weekly points though.I have not touched my activity points. I do not menstruate and lose track of my hormonal fluctuations and get snarky when I had a slight gain.I had an aha moment when I felt low abd cramps and was a bit tired.Unofficial weigh in today is 208.4.that means only 9 pounds until I am under 2 freaking hundered.
What will I do as a reward?? not food.I am going to lag on clothes because I am planning/hoping on doing some waredrobe makeover this summer.I want to wear the bikini I bought but have never worn due to embarrassment over my body.
Yesterday I had a sweat drenching workout on the elliptical.I kicked it!It is the first time I have reached over 500 Kcal in 30 minutes.Today was zumba.Dang I am sore.I think it is this not so wonderful cold.Thankfully it was sunny today making it somewhat tolerable.Winter can be beaten back to its cave anytime now.
i am pondering doing the couch to 5 k program.Running and I aren't exactly on speaking terms but the people who run seem to love it and I have read it is a kick ass love vibe for your body.Hm.i like kick ass body idea.
I will have to get used to the idea that I will never be able to eat without thinking about everything that goes in my mouth.My body loves to hold onto all those extra calories.All that garbage that My body DOES NOT need. I would not pour koolaid in a performance auto.i will not pollute my personal vehicle!

Be still your hearts

I know....two posts in a row...how could I? Welllllll...this morning I am down again 209.2.I hate to say it but this WW thing is working. I have fought against the idea of WW for a while now thinking I knew what healthy eating looked like.how can inbe eating wrong? I am a vegan (okay MOSTLY vegan) I did try on occasion to journal what I ate but it got away from me.This way I see exactly what I have eaten,how it impacts what I have left for the day and week.I no longer worry when I splurge on a couple cookies because I PLAN for them.I sound like a spokesperson already don't I? I am going away to see my boyfriend this weekend so am saving up most of my points to use while I am out of town.I am sure there will be some excess (hopefully in many areas!)
I like seeing my activity points add up! I have not dipped into them yet.I will be getting up early to use the elliptical for 30 minutes in the morning.I need to deflab.Tone.Condition and stretch.I wonder how long before I am under 200? i am so excited I am all squirmy inside!
Does anyone have any reward ideas for when i reach under 200#...for goal weight??I want to do something wonderful but not to spendy....

New Territory

I am in new weight loss territory.I weighed in this morning at the lowest i have been in almost 10 years.Then it was because I was going through a divorce.Now.....Now my friends it is because I am eating well and sweating loads. drum roooooooooolllllllllllll 209.6.
I know it is still over 200 and it looks alot to most people...well it IS alot.I love saying two-oh-something.It makes One-ninety-something seem so much more attainable.I am on my way to actually reaching my goal! I would adjust the ticker but I have forgotton the password at the moment.I am too giddy to fiddle right now!
In other news, I joined WW online.I am certainly getting an education.I figured banana chips were good because they were dried fruit.WRONG.I ate a half a days points just snacking.I will see how it goes for the next 3 months and by then i will either have the system down pat or will love it so much bcause of my success that I will want to keep it up!
on the agenda today is an elliptical work out,painting the kitchen and then maybe a pilates workout.The more I sweat the less I am needing the Lexapro.yay endorphins.
I am wondering what my goal prize shall be/ maybe I'll ask Sir.

Enough is enough

As you can see...anyone that has stuck around through my absence,that blog is, I have neglected this poor blog.It has been over two months and I have gained and lost the same 6 pounds. Admittedly it has been quite rough.I had been taking care of my terminally ill Grandma,then she had a stroke.It was already difficult because she had a poor appetite.The Stroke caused swallowing difficulty as well as aphasia.She was placed in hospice one week after the stroke and died two days later.During all of this I was trying to go to school,working on a new relationship, as well as jugglin work, kids and home remodelling!
I forgot! I went back to the ED so my schedule changed, I overhauled my bathroom, along with other house updates.I had a man fall through the kitchen ceiling during one of these updates.
I am working out 1 -2 hours a day this week.Partly I think to keep my mind off mourning.I don't know how much weight loss is ideal.I am putting one foot in front of another and going til my body rocks! I will write more this week.I will have a weight loss breakthrough! I will see my collar bones!I will love my arms!I will love my thighs!

Humble Apologies

JAFG Since you are my only known follower I will direct this to you.I am sorry I have been absent for quite some time now.My father had multiple vessel by pass surgery on November 1 .He had weakness and chest burning.Initially he refused to go to the emergency dept.As he already has 11 stents, he knew the next step was a major one.He had an angio on a Tuesday.While he was still sedated the cardiologist spoke to me and asked if he was eating lard with a spoon because the stent that was inserted 8 months previous was 99% blocked already.he ended up spending 13 days hospitalized,The aftermath is more intense than even,I as an acutely trained nurse was prepared for.
The driving while he was in the hospital was arduous but caring for him since he has been home is worse.I run errands, cook,stay the night,take him to appointments ,clean the house etc.He cannot drive for a while.Slowly he is getting strength back and geting back to his irrate self.Isn't it funny how when people are very ill they are easier to care for?
Back to me here, since this blog IS about me... I am around 211.I rose to 216 last week.I think that was due to time of the month.Over all not bad for eating all the wrong things and on the go going back and forth to the hospital.
I have a goal to be 205 or below by December 17 2010.I have missed many zumba classes but have picked up with the elliptical.I do have to crank the resistance up to 6 to get the same sweat factor as zumba..and frankly the elliptical is boring.I can only stand 30 minutes at a time. hey give a shout out if you are alive out there too!

On vacation

I am off of work this week and frankly I could get used to this.I like having time to do things and getting them done.I have a million little projects that wait for me .I am not getting to all of them but I will make a list and cross them off as i accomplish one.I am making sure I have time for physical activity this week too.Every.Single.Day. Twice a day if I can do it.

I went hot tubbing last night with someone I have not seen in a while and he mentioned how much weight I have lost! yay it is noticeable.At dinner last week a close friend said,"You are getting so skinny...I hate you "No she did not really mean it but it is great to be envied.

Weigh in this morning is 212.6.Yay. I am so close to my first goal of 210.When i reach that I will send my comfy chair to be reupholstered and by the time it gets back I wil be at my supper-but-not-final-goal of 199#I know it is not a magic number but just not to be two---something.I will never be a delicate flower that some man will toss over his shoulder but to know someone may consider it at least would be nice.
My appetite continues to be much smaller.I am smply content with less.I threw away most of a cinnabon caramel bar yesterday....GASP...Something I never would have done 6 months ago.
I am reading yet another book This one is "Mindless eating" by Brian Wansink Ph.D.It explores the psychology of why we eat too much,our dicernment of how much we are eating and how to correct that.Quite the fodder for the brain.
plans for this week include a live Rocky Horror Picture Show event,A drag Queen show,dinner out,more hot tubbing,a costume party and a date.A full week indeed.

Sore Bum

Yes, My Bum It is sore.It is asking me WHY WHY??WHY!
So in an open letter to my sore bum I share with it and you gentle reader why.
Dear Bum,
I love you.It is not the love of an ardent romeo or mother to child but oneof acceptance.I am letting my love be known so i will move you,shake you,groove you and make you into something I LIKE as well as love.I am walking,stomping ,running and Zumbaing my way to a better BUM.I know I am shrinking your bottom line, but (ha ha) think of all the cute panties,skirts and tight jeans that will show case you! it is all for you.It is not punishment but discipline!
Your Mistress

two months in

I still have 356 days left to lose about 35 pounds.My losses are not as exciting as The Biggest Loser but it is happening.I am not as overweight as those contenstants either.I wonder how I would feel if I worked out as much as the conteatants do.I know now my bum aches and burns in ways I forgot existed.
Yesterday I went to zumba and took the dog for a long walk.Todayanother long walk plus the loop up Tiger Hill.
An interesting thing is happening.My appetite is decreasing.I want to eat while at work..which I am betting on is stress.At home I nibble but do not have the drive to consume like before.Is my stomach shrinking? Is the exercise shutting something off in my brain?I'll take it while it lasts...which will be right before my next period!
I am enjoying buying smaller scrubs and giving away the larger ones.It is tempting to keep things I have spent money on but I want to have no excuse to expand again.I want the discomfort of my waistband to be the warning I need to keep my bum moving.

can I do it?

I need to have a fitness goal.Not just the weight loss but to be able to accomplish something with my body I have never done before.I cruised the net and think I am going to do a 5 K run.I know I can walk 5 K but I am going to try dang hard to run it in one month.I know longer training time would be beneficial but winter is coming in these here Northern States and if I put it off it will not get done. I have been alternating walking and jogging the dog for a few weeks now.I am going to master a plan and do this.I put it here in the blog so I have at least JAFG holding me to it right?
I am down 13.8 pounds.That is a quarter of my goal!Pick up a 10# sack of potatoes and a 2# block of cheese and throw in a half gallon of icecream. That was extra all me.It certainly sounds more impressive put that way.
I have a weird question though.WHERE does it go?Is it sweat off? Do I poop it off? Do skinny faries come and harvest the excess while I sleep? tell me!!! Or don't.Just don't bring it back.
I had a great time last night with My sister-friend Jean.She took me out to a great dinner.We split a bottle of wine and dessert.I was flying happy after the first glass so quit there.We both ate less than half of our entrees and saved them for lunch another day.
I spoke to a friend who has had gastric bypass surgery.He told me of the minute portions he is consuming now,just due to the fact that his body can handle no more and a remark he made struck a note with me.He said,"Now I see how little the human body really needs to survive." Wow.maybe I need to think less of enjoyment and more of survival and fueling my body.Do you ask if you NEED the food you are reaching for or just want it?I do ot but I may start.I know a food journal is a good idea,but it peters out after a few days.Any input??

Birthday!

Sunday was my 39th birthday.I am losing tiny amounts.Still a loss.I have celebrated moderately.
I learned my beloved i pod classic had a dead hard drive and the cost to repair it was beyond reasonable.Thus,I recycled it an got 10% off a nano which suits me better!.It clips to my clothes,has a built in pedometer,calorie counter and comes in neat funky colors!Did I mention it is dang cute?
Family and personal drama abounds.I will not allow it to knock me off course.I am strong.i am proud.I am progressing.I am becoming me again.Join me.

Shame on me

I did not realize how much I have been neglecting this blog!I have had no weight break throughs,nor any real breakDowns.

I have been thinking on what my zumba instructor keeps saying about reaching out and grabbing those calories that are just for the taking and to not hold back.We all steal beg and borrow time for ourselves and we need to use it to its fullest.She is quite motivational.An hour after I work out I am fully recovered.So why not go as hard as I can.i do have a problem though...I have urine leakage when i do some jumps and bouncing.i drink so much water,it is impossible to fully empty my bladder.I wear a pad but I fear it will leak out my clothes.i am still trying to do the elliptical on the days I do not zumba.The rain has made it hard to do the long walk and Tiger hill but I have managed twice this week already.

Okay this book " The End of Overeating ,taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite " touched a chord with me.In the beginning in interviewed people in the presence of some delectable treat and many had difficulty ignoring the chocolate or cookie to complete the interview becoming noticeably fidgety and distracted.they were asked why and most readily admitted they were obsessed with preoccupation with the food.
How many of us have been like this?I have.I recall not having had lunch yet,concentrating on what I could eat for dinner.It had to be pointed out to me how silly I was being. It did not end it though.WHY?
Food in this country is DESIGNED to keep us coming back for more,thus fat.Salt,sugar,and fat are layered in unnatural combinations to appeal to our pleasure centers and be addictive.The maximum reward--yumminess is calculated in proportion to the negative side effects( nausea,sluggishness,bloating) to keep us hooked.The trick restaurants use have nothing to do with healthful food but bottom dollars.We are nothing but income and money does not come from occasional customers but those who come back repeatedly.It pays to super size for the industry.We enjoy the product,think we are getting a good deal,all the while harming our bodies!
In the end what can we do?Resisting these foods are nigh impossible as they are intended.There is no little amount you can cheat.Take your danger foods out of those equation.For me, I cannot allow chips or chocolate in my realm or I am de railed.There is no ."just a little" for me.
what to do instead?Exercise.It is reward on many levels.I feel and look better.I feel sexier.I feel powerful,sleek and it negates the urge to have a mouthful of artificial food.the book is much more motivational than I am.It focussed me.please open your eyes.See what you CAN do for YOU.You are NOT helpless.Educate yourself and learn to defend your body.

good news!

I am down to 218.2.Runs around the room waving my arms and whooping.Very good news indeed.Two weeks ago I felt like this was a battle I could not make advancement in.I ,in the interest of fairness do have to report that I have eaten some bad things in the last month.I am relying on you to hear my confession.I cleaned out my car and realized I ate TWO large containers of pringles...all by myself.Work is a particular difficult place.The social worker keeps a bucket...not just a bowl of assorted brightly wrapped chocolates .I stop by the chocolate bucket and grab a handful whenever I feel stressed,which is ofton and those yummy little buggers add up.AND there is always some occasion for food to be brought in.There was a staff meeting so I had ultimate chocolate cake,family brought in gormet cookies and there are all the pot lucks.
I feel bad about all of it because my body WANTS to be healthy and I have been working against it.Despite all my treachery, it still managed to lose weight. I will not further undermine my own efforts.I want to find out what can be accomplished if I am not cheating.
I am impressed by this book The end of overeating.I will share my review and all the helpful ideas I got from the book in hopefully the next post.I borrowed the book from the library but think I may end up buying it.It is that good!
I need your help.I want to have a non food reward for getting to 210#.I already have one for 199# which is to have a chair I love reupholstered.It doesn't have to be huge, but significant enough that I want to strive for it.A massage? A pedicure? I am open to any ideas.

A picture,finally

This is me on my 38th birthday, So a little less than a year ago.I think I am about the same weight as I was then.It will give a general Idea where I am starting.I will have to post pictures of when I was 250# .Twenty five pounds does make quite an impact on most peoples frames.I have pictures of when I was post divorce and 170s #(Stress is a wonderful diet aid)As You can see 220# or so on me doesnt "look bad" as I hear all the time.I do not want to be content with not looking bad but want to also look and FEEL great.I am reading a book on how America overeats because the food industry DESIGNS food so we crave it,overeat and then get MORE.Does it make you mad?It sure gets me irate.I will post the name of the book and the full review.make good choices! nourish your body,soul and love yourself like you are your best girlfriend!